Meant To Be Here

Hey guys!! Wow its been such a long time since I've last written a blog... like seriously, 4 months. Well for my first blog back in months, this is going to be a deep one. I struggled with whether or not I should make a post about this, but I realized that I'm not the only person who has dealt with this, so I am posting this with hopes that it can help even just one person who reads this.

I've struggled with depression for years now, some days are easier than others of course, but the past month or so it has really been hard on me. It seemed like my whole world was just completely crashing down on me, and despite how hard I tried, nothing I did seemed to put it all back together. It seemed like it was just one thing after another, and I could never catch a break.

Early last week, I decided I had had enough. I was tired of feeling the way I held felt for so long. I had given up. I saw my bottle of depression medication sitting on my desk, and decided to take them all. I tried to end my own life, trying to make all the pain I was going through go away. Although I took a large number of pills, it did not work in the way I had planned. An hour or so had gone past and I was still alive. I began to feel very weird and just off, and so I decided to tell my friend what I had done. Before long, I was on my way to the emergency room.

I don't remember much from my stay in the hsopital, but I do remember the reactions of the people I love as they found out what I had done. There was alot of crying from both inside my hospital room, as well as on the phone as I got many phone calls from those who could not be there with me. I aalso remember the reactions of the nurses and doctors when they found out how much medication I took.

To be completely honest, I should not be alive right now. With what I took and how much I took, there is no way I should be alive, but somehow I am. I believe that the fact I am still alive despite what I did is a sign that I am meant to be here. I believe that there is a reason I am still here and I am going to do whatever I can to figure out what that reason is.

Life gets hard. Life really knocks us down sometimes, but no matter how bad it gets, always remember that you are meant to be here. God has a purpose and a plan for you.